Thursday, 14 December 2017

Diary of a New Mum

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

I have finally been inducted into the wonderful world of motherhood and privy to the trade secrets.

Where does one begin. I seemed to have lost my footing and don't seem to know what is up, down, left or right at times. First of all I must pre apologies for any grammar freaks out there, there will be some errors in my posts. I will try my best to spot them and correct them, but who knows when the time bomb that is my son will wake and demand milk like a vampire demands blood. That is actually what I call him, a milk vampire. A really cute one too that gives the Cullen's a run for their money.

I am currently writing as he is fast asleep in a sling on my chest, apparently he loves that, TODAY. But not yesterday, and who knows tomorrow. He seems to change everyday and I kinda feel like he is a Kinder Surprise, I never know what I am going get, but I know it will be cute.

The rumours are true. Nothing can prepare you enough for motherhood. NOTHING. No book, blog, video etc. Only the little tips that my mum and mother in law gave/give me are the ones that seem to reigned true.

Pregnancy is the beginning. Yes I had seen the movies and heard stories of different experiences but just rolled with the punches and embraced my own journey. It was amazing. I had it really easy compared to most. Not much sickness at all. The challenge for me was staying awake and the frequent toilet visits. Feeling the little life inside me was amazing, I loved knowing he would be one being that could hear my heart beat from the inside. I was imprinted the moment I first saw him in an ultrasound. The one thing that caught me off guard was the worry. I was usually mellow and accepted things I couldn't control, however the worry for another life other than my own put my anxiety into overdrive. I questioned every thing and was constantly Googling to the point where I was convinced I was crazy. Hot Tip: DON'T DO THAT!  Then I accepted that worry was part of the experience and made peace with it. Just as I was entering the third trimester and enjoying it, my bubba decided he had had enough and wanted to make a premature entry into the world at 30 weeks and 4 days. The labour was swift and there was no time for pain killer, go me! The voluntary torture was worth it after hearing his little cry. All the doctors and nurses around me were ah-mazing, they gave me diginity at my low points and assured me in ways no one could. The grandmas were a little worried for the well being of their first grandson, which is a given. However I had no doubt in mind this little Jedi of ours was a fighter and would be home in no time, bring balance to the force.

My instincts were correct, he ticked and conquered every milestone with flying colours to get home. He was perfect, other than the fact that he was early. He was home in no time and the next phase of being a mum began.

This for me was a game changer.  I had always been accustomed to order and schedules, my partner and I were a well oiled machine that just got things done.

Yes I had heard of the lack of sleep but I struggled with it in practice. I looked back at all the nights that I use to abuse sleep and stay up and my eye does a little twitch. Not to mention the cute weird little noises he makes, I think I got up no less than 23 times to check on him the first night he was home. Who knew a little being could make so many different noises.

The breastfeeding was another challenge. I was lucky enough to be able to produce his organic milk, but no one told me it could be stressful. All the commercials made it look easy, with the mum smiling and the baby smiling back. My little milk vampire on the other hand, wailed until he latched on and in the process scratched me out of frustration. Also the daily questions of, 'is my baby getting enough?' But I can't stress about it because if I do I might lesson my flow. Catch 22. Oh yeh and my wrists sounds like it needs some oiling, as he grows, the way I hold him to feed has to change too because he gets dang heavy and moves more. The hospital staff do mean well when they encourage breastfeeding but at times I felt peer pressure in doing so. 

Time management, another eye opener. I had to learn to accept that I would start things and try to finish them numerous times, and still might not finish it. I didn't know when he might demand attention. Best bookworm analogy I can give is, starting all these different books and not being able to finish them. The horror! I started to feel like I was failing when I would start chores, projects, work or even try to do something for myself and could never finish the task.

Who are you? I would sometimes think when I saw my partner. I was so consumed in taking care of our son that I neglected him at times and felt horrible.

The involuntary crying. Wow! I cried watching The Iron Fist (yes, Marvels' show), not just tear up but sobbed. Then I cried when I didn't get an ice cream and all I wanted was an ice cream because I didn't get to hang the washing on the line before dark. 'Who am I?' Then just as quickly as the feeling came it would pass.

Empathy. Empathy for other parents and babies was so overwhelming that hearing some horrible stories of babies made me feel physically ill and still does.

The high pitched baby voice and singing. My son is the only person in the world that appreciates my tone deafness and always politely smiles as my attempts.

A lot of changes in a small space of time was a lot and I take each day at a time and adjust to whatever the day brings.

Would I change anything if I could? Absolutely not. I loved/love and relish every moment with this little face.

I am so humbled to be his mum.  I have to give a shout out to all the other parents and parents to be. I had seen many parents during the 5 weeks my son was in hospital and it can get really tough. We were very lucky he is healthy with no complications, some parents have it hard. Being a parent is truly a labour of love and life changing one at that with no proper guide books. Sending love to all the nurses and doctors out there. The ones that took care of us were ah-mazing to the power of infinity, they became a second family and it was bittersweet to leave them when I was taking him home.

My son brings me a joy I never knew was possible and every uncomfortable moment was worth it. Motherhood is a personal journey and there are no set rules. I do my best and accept that worry for this little life is part of it. Since my partner, my son is the only other person that motivates me to be a better version of myself. He teaches me so much more about life and myself. It's a wonderful life.

Would love to hear any other experiences in the comments below.

PS. A nerd such as myself was not going to pass up a Jedi, Viking and Harry Potter newborn photoshoot :)

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